tagged...

okkayy...so on being tagged here i am writing down 25 random things about myself...though i can't see a reason why on earth would anybody be interetsed in reading my stupid blabberings,but stilll here goes
1.i love black...actually i am obsessed with black be it the colour or characters.
2.i can't forgive not forget...specially myself.
3.i am utterly confused.
4.i practically love two names-aditya and siddharth one for reasons best known to me and the other because i just like the sound of it.
5.this tagging is a pain in the ass.i can't think of anything else.
6.i had a strange habit.i used to imagine myself as characters from books.i still do.
7.daydreaming sustains me.
8.i am nuts about nuts.
9.ccd was once a home to me and a friend of mine,all our pnpc used to happen there.i miss our haunt.
10.suddenly i realise writing down 25 things about myself is not as random as i thot it would be.
11.i would have loved to have been born in egypt.the barren deserts fascinates me.
12.i so do want to go for a trek amidst jungles and mountains.
13.benaras was an experience of a lifetime,i would love to go back.
14.a few smell s make me lose my senses.
15.i absolutely love dresses...i think they are gorgeous.
16.i adore kohl lined eyes.
17.recently i have developed a fetish for ballerinas.
18.i have terrible mood swings.
19.at times i can be strangely indifferent to people i care about.
20.i can eat drink and sleep on books.
21.i severely lack patience.
22.sometimes i miss having boys cut hair...i would love to go back to those days.
23.thank goodnesss,just 2 more to go.
24.the bhukkar i am,i love gorging on chocolate fantasy.
25.i was learning not to trust people,i failed miserably i don't know whether to be happy or sad!!

paint me white...

ek fali hasi
ek mutho roddur...

a touch of green
a certain smell...

i lose my senses
intoxicated...on a perpetual high

a whirl of flame
ebony black...it all goes up in the smoke

mirror mirror on the wall...tell me who's the darkest of all

i dread the answer

two eyes look at me
no questions,no answers
just a small look
my insides melt...hot lead
a burning sensation

conscience can be such a pain in the ass...

hung heavy with anticipation...the air seemed rusted to the senses...
the long wait saturated with expectations made me go jittery in the tummmy,unable to digest the smell of heavy lead filtering through my nostrils making way into the lungs...
my mind was strangely empty...a void...astonishingly without any preconceived notions...
nature seemed to voice my thoughts ,putting on a mask of bland colourless veil...indifferent to so many people queing by the roads...yeah indifference can be a strange virtue after all!!
the wait came to an end!!
they came...
people do anything to get a blessing of the so called almighty ...dont they...they can do anything just get someting that might show them as the receivers of god's grace...with no offence i do find this funny...but then belief can prove to be very powerful at times...
personally i don't believe in god...i refuse to believe in anything godly...yeah a portion of my egoistic nature is reflected through this attitude...but then this is me!!
but still...today...the whole ambience ...the mood...the pulse touched me!!
i did not go to touch their holy palanquin or that chaddar...but the believes of those many a people touched a chord somewhere...i was moved...
the song...even though i could not follow the urdu lyrics...that powerful voice reverberated in my heart...made me feel like a part of the mourning...
it unleashed a cascade of emotions ...i never knew they existed...overwhelmed by the mood i was left standing...just taking in the raw emotions ...
was in the rhythm...the beat...the passion of their belief...or was in just the response of a mind shaken from seeing blood stained pink clothes and fresh wound even on little children...
i don't really know...i don't think that i should even try to ever...
all i can say is...
overwhelmed...i pray for their souls...

happy new year!!

a new year...a new beginning...a new game...a new bargain...

yet...

it is still there...

happy new year...sweetheart!!

"on the stage"

seven...six...five...

a surge of adrenaline...

four...three...two...

any moment now...

one!!!

the curtains parted.i raise my hands...i feel nauseous...

i am tired...broken from playing...my heart turns...home!!!

the hissing of oil when you throw a handful of sukno lanka on it...the smell of popcorns....

walking down rain washed lanes with a laugh...a small touch...a certain smell emanating from green...i lose my senses

no need of prompting...she enters...co ordination and co operation...everything runs smoothly...a part of the plan...i forget my lines
...improvise and innovate...stunned faces...

wide eyes...disbelief...

a sudden whirl...a flash of black...or was that white!!i can never be sure...

the curtains fall!!!i extend my hands...my ears go red...overcome with guilt and embarrassment...heart says be clear to yourself...
mind...just laughs....

i learn to smile ...i learn to laugh...

the curtains part again...

silence descends...

red haze!!!!

waiting...
waiting...
second pass...melting into minutes...taking time for the much predictable transformation into hours...
the rain has stopped...the pelting raindrops over the cemented rooftop has given way to the pleasant cool breeze giving goosebumps to my dry skin...
people pass by hiding under their colorful umbrellas...without giving as much of a glance upwards...i am sitting by the window lost somewhere...i have lost my umbrella somewhere...
i am still waiting...
the violet crimson hues of the sky unlease a different feeling in my heart...the patterns of the cloud paint a magnificent painting on the palette of the colorful sky...
my heart fills with emotion...i hear a voice..."i think of you when it rains"...
i feel like snuggling down in his arms...i want to feel the warmth and comfort of being in love...of being loved...
another voice rings again in my head "sometimes i feel you have an uncanny habit of being indifferent,you tend to fall out of love"...
the phone does not ring yet...
i am still waiting...

tagged...

okies...so after a lot of ghyan ghyan i finally got tagged...:)
1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it ?
i have this scar over my left eyebrow...when i was in i think class 3...i was coming back home from school in a bus...suddenly the bus slammed down the brakes...i was thrown off my seat and bumped into the gate ,it was a mess...blood was trickling down from my forehead...i still remember the lady beside me put water and sugar(god knows why)...and i was left witha horrible cut over my left eyebrow...scarred for the rest of my life,but actually its very un noticeable to be true

2. What does your phone look like?
its a cool looking black nokia 6030...i love my phone...though its very common i think its amazin looking...

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
blandness and emptiness...colorless and rhythmless...white

4. What is your current desktop picture?
welll...umm...one of my pictures posing in an orange salwar(specifying i was not being able to see my brother taking the picture as i had taken off my glasses)...damn my friends are rite...i truly am self obsessed(upto a limit i like to believe though)

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
yeah sure...to each his own...

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
i want to put some things right...say sorry to some people i have hurt...say sorry to myself for behaving in the most childish fashion i believe...my huge boulder like ego is preventing me from doing it

7. Are your parents still together?
ma passed away after my hs...

8. Last person who made you cry?
my swinging moods and whimsical erratic nature...

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne?
i am not particularly choosy abt perfumes


10. What are you listening to?
pocahontas-colors of the wind

11. Do you get scared of the dark?
i am terrified of the dark,to me darkness signifies all my innermost fears...and i am absolutely petrifed of confronting things which makes me go weak and lose control...

12. Do you like pain killers?
yes...instant relief...

13. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
no i am not...

14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
i am pining for a pastry...the gluttinous female i am...

15. Who was the last person who made you mad?
a person i thought i knew...

16. Who was the last person who made you smile?
a person i think i know...

17. Is someone in love with you?
clearly no...