just another day...

dangling from the chakra rail ,fighting their way out when the stoppage comes and bearing an incessant dhakka dhakki ;after the long hours of 9 to 5 office,people return back homewards actually with a smile on their faces,cracking jokes with their colleagues who have ceased to be just so and grown to be friends in this rather tiring and mundane process.
it actually struck me to be quite strange and odd...i just have to bear with say 4 hours of classes that also 4 days a week (if i do not consider the off periods and the considerable amount of bunking involved) and just for that the amount i crib and whine ,and to think there are people who slog the entire day at office and go back home having a discussion on how pretty poonam dhillon looked in saree at some filmfare award...or say how they consider rekha as a truly timeless beauty...in actually a very jovial mood.one guy commented:"arre bari giye 3 peg whisky mane liquor cha ar muhammad rafi,uff swargo dada swargo!!"
swargo ki sundar living room tai hoye jai aneker,ar aneke khuje berai sei swarger choa...
yeah it was just another day i bunked college!!
just another day i chanced upon some people tired from being the bearer of the burden of the tag of the bread earner of the family...just some people who inspite of facing a lot of hardships throughout the day,inspite of being worn out compeletely...find the spirit and enthusiasm to crack jokes at each other...to say:"tari tarkarir ja dam amar bou kheteo chai na ami khaoateo chai na...gan kheyei amader din kete jai"
jiboner dukkho gulo k express karar ki sundar padhyoti...
yeah truly it was just another day...
one can find inspiration in books ,movies,individuals...today was a day i found the conversations of just another bunch of commoners inspiring...
but yeah probably it will slip out of my mind in say a week or two...am i going to be inspired for my entire life,hell no!!
no,i did not find motivation to let go of the bundles which bog me down in a deep dark swamp of no return, shame and humiliation...i did not find the desire to let go...
today was just another day...
yes...a day i met human spirit at her most vivacious self in a group of middle aged common men...
and for this beautiful evening i am thankful...

dhurrr...bhallagchena...bolechilam na i hate late nite posts...i am in weird moods most of the times...specially nowadays...everything is going haywire...lots of changes...too hard to digest...

[:)]

1.a certain phone call made me rush to 8 b today for no obvious reasons at all...
2.a few sms es make me smile at myself for hours...
3.a cup of coffee with certain few leave me glowing for hours...
4.the prospect of going over to some place does make me have butterflies in my tummy...
5.and my school friends calling up suddenly just like that and the prospect of a plan of meeting them ...no matter what...makes me
amazingly excited and immensely happy...

no i don't really wish for any change after all...after all if u have someone whose one sms can make smile at urself in the
bus and not even care whether people are looking or not...then who needs somebody else...if a missed call can make you finish your stupid paper in a
hurry and rush then everythings fine...it may not last...i know it is not going to...but then nothing does...at least it did for a few days...

realisation...

i feel i have got an amazing capability of not even looking at things when they stare point-blank at your face...i can continue to be oddly blank unless the facts give me a sharp jibe or even a rude shock garnished with humiliation or embarrasment at times...people do call me naive or gullible at times...but i consider this behaviour of mine owing to nothing but utter stupidity

a spoonful magic

i am feeling miserable...alone...

i tried amitabha ghosh...agatha christie...

maybe it is time to go back to harry potter...

wingardium laviosa!!

it does not even matter...

telling myself it is not important over and over again...i now know it is not so...

sms and scraps, most importantly it is ur instincts which count and tell you the truth...

a single yes shakes me up...

i know it is not easy ,i shall not even endeavour to make it so...

i just begin by doing the hardest thing...i forgive myself...

the last year...

In front of the keyboard I sit reflecting on the past year…I dare say one of the most important years of my life…a year which made me stand in front of my weakness…a year which made me face my fears…a year which exposed my insecurities…a year which taught me to trust people…most importantly a year which taught me the importance of right and wrong…and pointed out the necessity of remaining true to oneself otherwise how hard looking at oneself in the mirror may become…

This year marked several important events particularly in my personal life…owing to certain people …
1. srijani thank you dear for being there…just your presence still matters a lot…
2. debolina for being a friend…
3. sohini di…though this year we had our share of differences, though I have been very rude and indifferent at times still you are an amazing person and the best sister one can have…
4. eman da…only two words for you …hats off!!
5. satyaki da…you do make a difference…
6. subha and debo…for making me feel I belong to the department…

These are only a few to state …arko da ,biju, honey each are very special to me…I will miss u guys a lot!!i mean when I felt there is nobody to trust…I felt alone…lost…I felt low…I could not even gather up the courage to look at myself …knowingly or unknowingly u guys have been there…don’t really know what would have done without u!!thakn you jupc…for giving me all these… for giving me a gamut of experience to cherish and remember all my life…thakn u jupc for giving me such amazing friends…thank you jupc for bakkhali and benaras …those were experiences of a lifetime…

tagged...

okkayy...so on being tagged here i am writing down 25 random things about myself...though i can't see a reason why on earth would anybody be interetsed in reading my stupid blabberings,but stilll here goes
1.i love black...actually i am obsessed with black be it the colour or characters.
2.i can't forgive not forget...specially myself.
3.i am utterly confused.
4.i practically love two names-aditya and siddharth one for reasons best known to me and the other because i just like the sound of it.
5.this tagging is a pain in the ass.i can't think of anything else.
6.i had a strange habit.i used to imagine myself as characters from books.i still do.
7.daydreaming sustains me.
8.i am nuts about nuts.
9.ccd was once a home to me and a friend of mine,all our pnpc used to happen there.i miss our haunt.
10.suddenly i realise writing down 25 things about myself is not as random as i thot it would be.
11.i would have loved to have been born in egypt.the barren deserts fascinates me.
12.i so do want to go for a trek amidst jungles and mountains.
13.benaras was an experience of a lifetime,i would love to go back.
14.a few smell s make me lose my senses.
15.i absolutely love dresses...i think they are gorgeous.
16.i adore kohl lined eyes.
17.recently i have developed a fetish for ballerinas.
18.i have terrible mood swings.
19.at times i can be strangely indifferent to people i care about.
20.i can eat drink and sleep on books.
21.i severely lack patience.
22.sometimes i miss having boys cut hair...i would love to go back to those days.
23.thank goodnesss,just 2 more to go.
24.the bhukkar i am,i love gorging on chocolate fantasy.
25.i was learning not to trust people,i failed miserably i don't know whether to be happy or sad!!

paint me white...

ek fali hasi
ek mutho roddur...

a touch of green
a certain smell...

i lose my senses
intoxicated...on a perpetual high

a whirl of flame
ebony black...it all goes up in the smoke

mirror mirror on the wall...tell me who's the darkest of all

i dread the answer

two eyes look at me
no questions,no answers
just a small look
my insides melt...hot lead
a burning sensation

conscience can be such a pain in the ass...

hung heavy with anticipation...the air seemed rusted to the senses...
the long wait saturated with expectations made me go jittery in the tummmy,unable to digest the smell of heavy lead filtering through my nostrils making way into the lungs...
my mind was strangely empty...a void...astonishingly without any preconceived notions...
nature seemed to voice my thoughts ,putting on a mask of bland colourless veil...indifferent to so many people queing by the roads...yeah indifference can be a strange virtue after all!!
the wait came to an end!!
they came...
people do anything to get a blessing of the so called almighty ...dont they...they can do anything just get someting that might show them as the receivers of god's grace...with no offence i do find this funny...but then belief can prove to be very powerful at times...
personally i don't believe in god...i refuse to believe in anything godly...yeah a portion of my egoistic nature is reflected through this attitude...but then this is me!!
but still...today...the whole ambience ...the mood...the pulse touched me!!
i did not go to touch their holy palanquin or that chaddar...but the believes of those many a people touched a chord somewhere...i was moved...
the song...even though i could not follow the urdu lyrics...that powerful voice reverberated in my heart...made me feel like a part of the mourning...
it unleashed a cascade of emotions ...i never knew they existed...overwhelmed by the mood i was left standing...just taking in the raw emotions ...
was in the rhythm...the beat...the passion of their belief...or was in just the response of a mind shaken from seeing blood stained pink clothes and fresh wound even on little children...
i don't really know...i don't think that i should even try to ever...
all i can say is...
overwhelmed...i pray for their souls...

happy new year!!

a new year...a new beginning...a new game...a new bargain...

yet...

it is still there...

happy new year...sweetheart!!