"on the stage"

seven...six...five...

a surge of adrenaline...

four...three...two...

any moment now...

one!!!

the curtains parted.i raise my hands...i feel nauseous...

i am tired...broken from playing...my heart turns...home!!!

the hissing of oil when you throw a handful of sukno lanka on it...the smell of popcorns....

walking down rain washed lanes with a laugh...a small touch...a certain smell emanating from green...i lose my senses

no need of prompting...she enters...co ordination and co operation...everything runs smoothly...a part of the plan...i forget my lines
...improvise and innovate...stunned faces...

wide eyes...disbelief...

a sudden whirl...a flash of black...or was that white!!i can never be sure...

the curtains fall!!!i extend my hands...my ears go red...overcome with guilt and embarrassment...heart says be clear to yourself...
mind...just laughs....

i learn to smile ...i learn to laugh...

the curtains part again...

silence descends...

red haze!!!!

waiting...
waiting...
second pass...melting into minutes...taking time for the much predictable transformation into hours...
the rain has stopped...the pelting raindrops over the cemented rooftop has given way to the pleasant cool breeze giving goosebumps to my dry skin...
people pass by hiding under their colorful umbrellas...without giving as much of a glance upwards...i am sitting by the window lost somewhere...i have lost my umbrella somewhere...
i am still waiting...
the violet crimson hues of the sky unlease a different feeling in my heart...the patterns of the cloud paint a magnificent painting on the palette of the colorful sky...
my heart fills with emotion...i hear a voice..."i think of you when it rains"...
i feel like snuggling down in his arms...i want to feel the warmth and comfort of being in love...of being loved...
another voice rings again in my head "sometimes i feel you have an uncanny habit of being indifferent,you tend to fall out of love"...
the phone does not ring yet...
i am still waiting...

tagged...

okies...so after a lot of ghyan ghyan i finally got tagged...:)
1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it ?
i have this scar over my left eyebrow...when i was in i think class 3...i was coming back home from school in a bus...suddenly the bus slammed down the brakes...i was thrown off my seat and bumped into the gate ,it was a mess...blood was trickling down from my forehead...i still remember the lady beside me put water and sugar(god knows why)...and i was left witha horrible cut over my left eyebrow...scarred for the rest of my life,but actually its very un noticeable to be true

2. What does your phone look like?
its a cool looking black nokia 6030...i love my phone...though its very common i think its amazin looking...

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
blandness and emptiness...colorless and rhythmless...white

4. What is your current desktop picture?
welll...umm...one of my pictures posing in an orange salwar(specifying i was not being able to see my brother taking the picture as i had taken off my glasses)...damn my friends are rite...i truly am self obsessed(upto a limit i like to believe though)

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
yeah sure...to each his own...

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
i want to put some things right...say sorry to some people i have hurt...say sorry to myself for behaving in the most childish fashion i believe...my huge boulder like ego is preventing me from doing it

7. Are your parents still together?
ma passed away after my hs...

8. Last person who made you cry?
my swinging moods and whimsical erratic nature...

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne?
i am not particularly choosy abt perfumes


10. What are you listening to?
pocahontas-colors of the wind

11. Do you get scared of the dark?
i am terrified of the dark,to me darkness signifies all my innermost fears...and i am absolutely petrifed of confronting things which makes me go weak and lose control...

12. Do you like pain killers?
yes...instant relief...

13. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
no i am not...

14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
i am pining for a pastry...the gluttinous female i am...

15. Who was the last person who made you mad?
a person i thought i knew...

16. Who was the last person who made you smile?
a person i think i know...

17. Is someone in love with you?
clearly no...

when i stay awake till 3 in the night which now has become a regular affair it does not mean i am sad or depressed...it does not mean something is going in my life which i cannot manage...

it just means I am NOT sleepy...

there now made everything clear...

damn it ...i hate late night posts...i am in weird moods most of the time...

p.s. do excuse the grammatical errors...i am feeling too lazy to edit the entire thing and correct them now...

thoughts from the blue...

weird??huh!!well i cant help it ...i am sick of this entire process,i am tired of thinking and framing words tactfully before saying it,i am utterly bored of thinking twice or sometimes thrice before telling someone i care about u,damn it!!thats y i am so bothered up in fear of being taken for granted(people do behave weirdly when u tell them that) ... sometimes i do want to break free from this ridiculously mundane life and go someplace where i can do stuff without havng to answer the questions of why,when and where...i hate this general feeling of a malaise creeping up my neck when the reason is entirely in my head...as i friend acorn puts it "dude be sure of your situations before you make a big deal"...has it ever happened to u when you sit on the front seat of an auto half inside;the fast speeding wind touching your hand...that u feel a strange feeling of the speed of which the world is moving and if u dont keep pace u will get thrown any minute bogged down by your weird emotional baggage ...or has it ever happened that suddenly out of the blue u want to stand up on your head as if u can throw the unwanted thoughts out of ur head by doing that(ohh!!how i wish this was true...sigh!!) or maybe...ohh i suppose u have stopped reading this post by now mentally labelling me as in need of help...but then what do i care...u r probably someone i hardly know and i definately dont give u the right to judge me by just reading something i wrote when i was feeling blue as the bee(bee n blue??goddd...wats the matter with me..honestly)...anyways so throwing wind to all cautions i admit i am over sensitive and hyper...i tend to make things in my head and pretend as if they are true..i am very much prone to exaggeration so dont believe anything i say...actually i will be very upset if u do that i am trying to cut it down u know...and then i hate to admit but i am as confused as a six year old kid ...that is why i am always contradict myself and dont really what i want at the end of the day...as a matter fo fact i meant to start this blog to ask u all do u really need to think before leaping i mean wats wrong with doing things u want to instead of thinking thousand times at its consequences...but then i guess i have completely deviated from my point and have rattled on like a crazy kid whose just feeling low over what shes done ...if u have read this and u still have managed to keep your eyes from rolling in exasperation at your computer...then all i can say is congrats u have just completely wasted what i believe is a maximum of 5 minutes of your life...

my friends..

lean on to them..they seem to whisper back..share your heart..they will carry you home..and that is the only way it is done..for the first time feel free..free to open your soul..unfold ,accept all your dark shades..without a trace of shame..without a pinch of reproach..they will accept you the way you are..melt in their dark cosyness..revel in the new found friendship..extend you hands..touch their hearts..you will find youself in them..lean on to them..they seem to whisper back...and that is why i say ..shadows are my best friends..